Funny Dating Stories and Terrible Pick-Up Lines

[Dil Bert]

Prem, maybe try The Onion's site; a coworker had some luck with that.

So since this is BollyWHAT, has anyone tried Shaadi.com or other Desi-oriented sites?

[dvermaker]

One of the weirdest picking up I had was when I was FIFTEEN, and I was with my FAMILY and FAMILY FRIENDS at a buffet, and the chef guy behind the buffet counter kept on looking at me. I ignored him, carried on eating, blah blah. And then, at the end, my sister and I were sitting on some sofas while everyone else went off to pay, and another waiter told me that the chef guy had told him to put the guy's (i.e. the chef's) phone number on the sofa next to the ones we were sitting on, and for me to take it... what the heck?! What kind of a guy picks up fifteen year old kids... whilst at WORK?   (Though to be fair to the guy, I did look older in what I was wearing, I guess... ) Needless to say, I ignored the message and went off happily my own way. 

Mmm, classy.

Older guys hitting on young girls is just so creepy. Once this guy stopped me and asked if I spoke English. I said yes, assuming he wanted to ask directions or something. Then he said "I love you." I walked away and he shouted after me "HOW OLD ARE YOU?" I was 16 at the time, he looked like he was in his thirties at least.

[filmifan]

And what's a hook up? As in, the romantic hook up kind? But that doesn't make sense in the context, because he was with you! Help!

hook up as in wanting his friend to give us food without paying.

[navras]

At least it wasn't two hours... and reeking of cigarettes...

I find that more times, people (myself included) tend to get hit on when they're in a relationship, than when they're single (just our luck, eh...)... of course human beings are a lot more compplex than this, but I do wonder if that's because one tends to be more confident and sure of themselves, and more easy-going with members of the opposite sex (because as far as they're concerned, the friendliness is nothing more than for the sake of friendship), than when they're single (and perhaps their confidence and self-esteem is also slightly lower...?), and they know that every single guy/girl they talk to could potentially lead to something more, so perhaps they'd be a little more nervous - and of course, anyone would be more attracted to a confident, easygoing, friendly person than the subdued, shy opposite? Of course, I know people are all so unique and different and there is never one answer, but... just a thought I had.

That has definitely been my observation/experience too. I think when we are single and are actively searching for our Next Potential Soulmate, we reek... to put it mildly... of desperation. Either our brains will shut and we are constantly monitoring our behavior lest we look like an idiot, or we become overly cheesy and use stupid pickup lines. And that can be quite off-putting to many people. Also agree with you on the shyness and nervousness, although, I find shy people really sexy 

[Darshana]

hook up as in wanting his friend to give us food without paying.

That is a funny detail!! I'm glad somebody asked you, I didn't know what you meant either, I figured it was sex or drugs!!

[acooluserrname]

At least it wasn't two hours... and reeking of cigarettes...

If I EVER date again the only chap I will even consider going out with will more than likely show up two hours late and reeking of cigarettes...damned chain smoking habit he's got <coy smirk>

But really, I hated dating so much I just blocked it out of my memory though the first fellow I ever dated was a French Sailor. I mean if you're going to do the thing you may as well do it with panache!

[amit]

I find that more times, people (myself included) tend to get hit on when they're in a relationship, than when they're single (just our luck, eh...)...

But that begs the question of someone hitting on you when you were single (and succeeding) which led to a relationship.

[tanya]

But that begs the question of someone hitting on you when you were single (and succeeding) which led to a relationship.

Perhaps sunrise was the hitter and not the hittee?

[chrisanthi]

One of the weirdest picking up I had was when I was FIFTEEN, and I was with my FAMILY and FAMILY FRIENDS at a buffet, and the chef guy behind the buffet counter kept on looking at me. I ignored him, carried on eating, blah blah. And then, at the end, my sister and I were sitting on some sofas while everyone else went off to pay, and another waiter told me that the chef guy had told him to put the guy's (i.e. the chef's) phone number on the sofa next to the ones we were sitting on, and for me to take it... what the heck?! What kind of a guy picks up fifteen year old kids... whilst at WORK?   (Though to be fair to the guy, I did look older in what I was wearing, I guess... ) Needless to say, I ignored the message and went off happily my own way.

Mmm, classy.

Older guys hitting on young girls is just so creepy. Once this guy stopped me and asked if I spoke English. I said yes, assuming he wanted to ask directions or something. Then he said "I love you." I walked away and he shouted after me "HOW OLD ARE YOU?" I was 16 at the time, he looked like he was in his thirties at least.

Ok I have a worse one than both of you. I was 16 I think. Well I was still in high school so I was 18 max. I look younger than I am. I probably looked like I was 14-15. I'm walking down the street, broad daylight and this guy, around fortyish, on a moped, stops in front of me and tells me that he's going to teach me how to make love (I've said it politely. This is not the phrase he used). Real class!! He then follows me for a while, which was scary 'cause there was no one around, repeating his offer and then, thankfully, left when I kept on ignoring him. Such a great pickup line! I'm surprised I didn't fall for it! (And yes, 'm being extremely sarcastic).

If I EVER date again the only chap I will even consider going out with will more than likely show up two hours late and reeking of cigarettes...damned chain smoking habit he's got <coy smirk>

Geez, I wonder who you could possibly be referring to 

[sunrise]

But that begs the question of someone hitting on you when you were single (and succeeding) which led to a relationship.

Haha, true... I thought of that too, bit of a catch 22 isn't it? But then again, the last (and only real) relationship I've been in was through mutual attraction and flirting and not the guy-hits-on-girl-girl-follows-his-lead type thing. Hell, all romantic incidents in my life have been like that...

Tanya - oh gosh if ONLY I had the confidence to hit on guys (without them thinking I'm cheap... :-/)!

[sunrise]

If I EVER date again the only chap I will even consider going out with will more than likely show up two hours late and reeking of cigarettes...damned chain smoking habit he's got <coy smirk>

  ........ that's cos he'll be with me. 

[amit]

Perhaps sunrise was the hitter and not the hittee?

That's definitely possible - depends on how attractive the guy is.

[ani_naja]

I just got the stupidest pick-up line tonight and immediately thought of this thread. We were out with 2 of my girlfriends, sitting in a cafe and chatting. And there's a guy sitting in front of us, facing me and throwing glances my way.
At one point my girlfriends went to the bathroom (cause a girl never goes to the bathroom alone...what's up with that btw? Why do we tend to flock bathrooms in public places...but I'm going OT here). So I was left to guard the purses and the guy comes up to me and after the usual "Hi, what's your name?" he's like "You know your girlfriends are really pretty".....ummm....Yeah, I was kind of unresponsive after that.

[corbie]

I just had a pick up line a bit ago today  I am almost 59!

I am at the store and I wasn't able to be in my usual spot in the coffee house part due to a book signing. So I am over in the corner next to the recovery books and literature. I am waiting for my noon client when a tall guy, I think about my age, feels a bit creepy, picks up some books, sits down and asks me what I think, I said I hadn't read them and he says, aren't you going to share your lunch with me? I was eating some chicken. I said no and he started to say something else when thankfully my client showed up.

He then walked around for the half hour I talked to her and then when she left was approaching again so I grabbed my phone and called my husband, motioned one minute to the guy and started sweet talking with my honey and he stalked out the door. 

[sunrise]

That's definitely possible - depends on how attractive the guy is.

Hahaha... one day, one day...

Re. Ani Naja's story - ouch! Both yours and Corbie's made me laugh out loud... it's the little things like this that brighten up our day huh

[priy]

Just last night my girlfriends and I were watching another friend of ours patiently put up with 'the moves' from a very random, very questionable-looking guy - apparently, when fifteen-minutes' worth of cajoling didn't do the trick, he finished up with "But you're SO MUCH SKINNIER THAN ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!!!"

....

There's just SOOO many things wrong with that line. Gentlemen, please don't rush out and use it. Even the bitchiest of girls tends to be protective of her friends, especially when'we're all hanging out in a pack. No wonder he said he was in the middle of a divorce.

[Parallel_Worlds]

Hmm..the pick-ups described in this thread were not really successful with the ladies.  Maybe our BW men can share some of their success stories with us?

I don't have any wild stories to share, but this one time when I went to a club with some friends, the moment I entered a guy was all over me exclaiming I was exactly his type (much to the hilarity of my friends as I'm the most reserved of them all). He then proceeded to take pictures of me with his mobile phone. I think he was drunk and I hope he wasn't too disappointed with the pictures the morning after...

[tanya]

Prem, maybe try The Onion's site; a coworker had some luck with that.

I've never tried the onion's site but isn't it just part of a larger network of online personals? (So, you wouldn't necessarily find women who also enjoy the Onion because they may have signed up from another site.)

But I don't think Prem should go that route. I agree with Darshana.

PS @ Prem Rogue - if you get sick of dating and want a marriage arranged, you should let us here on Bollywhat do it - the people old enough to be your parents.  I am sure we know you better than they do.

No need to tell us what sort of woman you're looking for, Prem. We're going to go solely on what we know about you from your posts on BollyWhat. And really, we know what's best for you, so how about it?

So since this is BollyWHAT, has anyone tried Shaadi.com or other Desi-oriented sites?

I'd be interested in hearing about that too. In one of my media studies classes, we were looking at online dating sites. One thing we discussed when looking at shaadi.com is that the gender selectors are not "I am a man/woman looking for a man/woman." It's "I am looking for a groom/bride." It's interesting to look at these sites and try to discern what they assume their users' goals are.

[Darshana]

When I first clicked on Shaadi.com from some ad on a movie site, the qustionnaire included "Are you manglik?"

I looked again some years later and saw that that question has been modified somewhat, I forget how.  You can sidestep it more I think!!

[mala]

Travelling around the city on the bus exposes you to some interesting characters... 

It has actually happened a few times, where I've been asked by guys on a bus if I speak spanish.  One time, I think I was around 18, this man who may have been like 30 came and sat beside me, and asked me in spanish, "tu habla espaneol?"  After telling him I'm not hispanic, he said that I look it (I don't).  Then he said that he could teach me spanish, and I could help him with his english.  I already started getting a creep vibe from him at this point, but he then goes on to say a couple of phrases, and translating them for me... one of them being "you're very pretty."  Then he moved in closer on the seat so that he was actually leaning on me a bit  , which creeped me out sufficiently to look out the window and ignore him until he got off.

I think pick-up lines are bad enough, but I HATE when people do stuff like that!

[amit]

I think pick-up lines are bad enough, but I HATE when people do stuff like that!

That is creepy!! I'm surprised you didn't get up and move to a different seat, mala, or give him a nice, tight slap.

[banglabeti]

Travelling around the city on the bus exposes you to some interesting characters... 

It has actually happened a few times, where I've been asked by guys on a bus if I speak spanish.  One time, I think I was around 18, this man who may have been like 30 came and sat beside me, and asked me in spanish, "tu habla espaneol?"  After telling him I'm not hispanic, he said that I look it (I don't).  Then he said that he could teach me spanish, and I could help him with his english.  I already started getting a creep vibe from him at this point, but he then goes on to say a couple of phrases, and translating them for me... one of them being "you're very pretty."  Then he moved in closer on the seat so that he was actually leaning on me a bit  , which creeped me out sufficiently to look out the window and ignore him until he got off.

I think pick-up lines are bad enough, but I HATE when people do stuff like that!

My Englsh Writer's Craft teacher gave us a really special tip for creepy guys on the bus. Get loud. Loud enough that people notice. So something like "ExCUSE ME, I said could you move!"

This came after my best friend gave a bus story. Some guy sits down next to her one day and puts his arm behind her (You know that classic at-the movies-move where they put there arm on the area behind the girl) she tells him to please move his arm and he smugly shakes his head no. 

[Darshana]

When I was reading advice before my trip to India, I often read the advice, from Indians, to make a loud fuss if a man bothered you in a public place.

In NY I don't think that would work, unless you were pretty young - I think people would not get involved the way I have heard they will in India. 

[tanya]

In NY I don't think that would work, unless you were pretty young - I think people would not get involved the way I have heard they will in India. 

I agree with you. Half the time just yelling at the guy probably wouldn't work in NYC because no one would immediately assume you're a victim. You would need to make the situation clear and maybe specifically ask someone for help.

One morning, I was on a jam-packed 2/3 train headed down to work on wall street. I had managed to snag a bit of bar to hang onto but we were stacked two deep. The guy directly behind me decided to engage in a bit of frottage. There was nowhere to move so I pushed against the guy to my right, a typical normal looking guy in a suit, to try and get away. He wasn't budging, so I looked up at him to get his attention. He was already looking down at me with a huge smirk on his face. He was completely aware of what was going on and enjoying it. I pushed harder and he moved but we were soon at my stop anyway. I was more furious with the guy that wouldn't move than the original perv. I don't know why I didn't yell at the first guy. Maybe I was just too surprised and unsure what was happening was really happening. Plus, I didn't feel like I was in any danger; I was just disgusted.

I love the idea of this site Holla Back NYC "if you can't slap 'em, snap 'em." Isn't there an equivalent in India? I can't remember what the site is called but I know someone linked to it on Bollywhat.

What's really sad, is that stories about creeps discourage nice guys from chatting up girls. Nothing wrong with a little respectful conversation while on public transit and trying to get someone's digits (just ask once and if she says no, don't harass her.) I mean, unless you're SRK, then you're supposed to stalk her, carve her name on your body, etc. etc.

[los angeles]

^ Tanya, I had to look up the term you used for the first guy because I had never heard that term before, and I found the definition online. I know it was a brief episode but I am SO sorry you went through that! I know LA car culture (that I have lived with all my life) is supposed to be terrible and hopefully we all convert to hybrids and electric cars and stop harming the environment. But one positive I suppose you can say with this car culture is that girls don't go through this on the commute every day. Though obviously for going green we hopefully have LA public transpo soon of course.

ETA: I am also really taken aback at the second guy who didn't help you. That seems so unfair and awful. 

When I first clicked on Shaadi.com from some ad on a movie site, the qustionnaire included "Are you manglik?"

That's so interesting D, I am actually watching a lovely TV program these days featuring a Manglik female character, and on the show they are trying to marry her off to another Manglik guy but she is in love with someone else who is non-Manglik, and who doesn't care about that sort of thing.