Funny Dating Stories and Terrible Pick-Up Lines

[los angeles]

In the romance department, do you guys have any odd/interesting/amusing anecdotes?

As far as the dating stories go: If you are married or with the love of your life, and you don't mind sharing, can you post about how you guys found each other? I am hopeless romantic and I love these how-we-met stories. It seems people meet each other in the most interesting and unexpected ways sometimes  

So....in the terrible pick-up lines department I actually had a very strange thing happen earlier today. It's not exactly a pick-up line, I don't know what it was. Okay so I was at a sandwich shop and there was an elderly German guy in line beside me, around 70 or 80 or so, in spectacles. (He sounded German, had white hair and very pale blue eyes.) So they're making my sandwich and suddenly I feel his shoulder like leaning heavily into mine, almost pushing down? For longer than you might think. For a second I thought he was maybe falling over and needed help. But then he suddenly straightened up and said "Did ya feel that?" I was so surprised I didn't answer, and then after this long awkward pause, he goes "Well at least you didn't hit me." The lady behind the counter looked as confused as I felt. And I tried to sort of quietly laugh it off and then I left with my sandwich.

It was so odd!! I had my sunglasses on the whole time. I wonder if that's how he always approaches the ladies.

[zimm]

^
That is a bizarre story.....and funny (70-80 years old?)

[los angeles]

^ Yea Zimm, it was kind of so strange and he was at least that age. Completely white hair and a little hunchbacked and talked and moved very slowly. His friend (he was ordering sandwiches for himself and his friend) was in one of those wheelchair/walker sort of things?

Overall it was kind of endearing. I don't know. I drove home laughing anyway 

[sarfarosh]

Gauri, Maybe he lost his balance for a bit. My grandfather would pretend a lot of time that he did something purposely when he lost balance or needed help just so that we all don't treat him like a feeble old ma. Even at 84 he would refuse to use walking stick a lot.

[kragey]

I was bored a couple of nights ago, so I signed up for OKCupid. I figured, "Hey, dating people I met IRL hasn't worked for me, online dating worked for my one friend, let's test this out." The second I uploaded a picture (one of the professional-type ones I've taken), I had 50,000 people IMing me. 

One of them was this really intense, excessively serious and presumptuous guy. He kept saying, "Women do this and this, and see, you're doing it now!" Now, folks, quick interruption: I'm one of the few female INTPs in this world, as well as someone who prefers poly relationships and separate bedrooms, so acting like I'm a stereotypical woman is not the way to endear me to you. But I got so ticked off that I finally agreed to go on a date with him, just to prove him wrong. When he bitched about the fact that he'd be "driving all this way and not even getting a cuddle," I told him to shag off.

His response? "I'm going to slit my throat."

Me. "Good luck with that." (Or I may have said, "Good for you." Either way, I was done caring.)

Him: "I've done it before."

Me: "Then you're an expert."

I blocked him, and 5 minutes later, I just deleted my account. He was really THAT intense that I was afraid of what he'd do...and really, I decided it just wasn't worth it.

[zimm]

I was bored a couple of nights ago, so I signed up for OKCupid. I figured, "Hey, dating people I met IRL hasn't worked for me, online dating worked for my one friend, let's test this out." The second I uploaded a picture (one of the professional-type ones I've taken), I had 50,000 people IMing me. 

Wow! I'm impressed

[S Hushpuppy]

OK gauri:

You asked, so here is how I met my husband John:

I met him when I about 7 years old.  My dad and his dad were both in the US Air Force, and our parents attended the same church in, Sumter,  a small town beside Shaw AFB, SC.  John says that he used to chase me around the church building and I would eventually stop running, put my hands on hips, shake my head in a disgusted manner and tell him to stop chasing me.  The funny thing is that I don't remember him at all!

Since our fathers were active duty, you move about 3 years, so we both moved away, my family went to Okinawa, Japan, and his family went to Zweibrucken, Germany.  Fast forward about 7 years later.  We met again in Sumter, my family was visiting relatives and his family had moved back to Shaw AFB.  John says that he distinctly remembers seeing me outside on one occasion while our families spoke to each other.  Again I don't remember him at all!   Hey, what can I say? I was in Junior High and not very observant.

Fast forward another 7 years when I was 20 years old.  My family had got stationed at Sembach AB in Germany, and his family was stationed yet again to Ramstein, AB Germany.  This time our families reconnected and I got to be very good friends with his little brother, but I didn't like him very much.  His family moved back to Shaw AFB, SC in the States. 

Fast forward another 2 years, I move back to Sumter, SC to take care of my grandmother, and I reconnect to his family, because I didn't know anyone else.  We became good friends, started dating and then got married 3 years later.  We have been married for 16 years.

There you have it!  After chasing each other all over the world, we start dating in a little tiny Southern town, get married, have three beautiful girls, and then I discovered Bollywood!

[corbie]

How I met my husband? ok.

I had been divorced for over a year and had started dating a guy who had been a friend for 5 years. We had been dating for less than three months and I had figured out he was an alcoholic and was going to break up with him after the weekend get away with the social club I belong to.

 It was at an old retreat area at the top of San Yesrido? Spelling, near Palm Springs. And never have anything to do with men again. I was done.

There was a very large hot tub, big enough to hold 40 people! I did not know about hot tubs, altitude and alcohol. I got very very plastered, somehow lost the top of my suit and my friends took away the rest of my drink.

It was winter and there was snow and so it was steamy and across the pool I noticed someone holding a cup. Since I knew everybody earlier, I swam over crawled into the lap, looked into the cup, said all gone, looked up into his face and said do I know you? He said, its ok, I am mostly harmless, I said oh and passed out.

The next day he came by to check on me, we started talking, I did his chart, decided it was a good match,  and we have never been apart. That was in 1986. 

[Cloudbase]

So....in the terrible pick-up lines department I actually had a very strange thing happen earlier today. It's not exactly a pick-up line, I don't know what it was. Okay so I was at a sandwich shop and there was an elderly German guy in line beside me, around 70 or 80 or so, in spectacles. (He sounded German, had white hair and very pale blue eyes.) So they're making my sandwich and suddenly I feel his shoulder like leaning heavily into mine, almost pushing down? For longer than you might think. For a second I thought he was maybe falling over and needed help. But then he suddenly straightened up and said "Did ya feel that?" I was so surprised I didn't answer, and then after this long awkward pause, he goes "Well at least you didn't hit me." The lady behind the counter looked as confused as I felt. And I tried to sort of quietly laugh it off and then I left with my sandwich.

I might be wrong, but don't male Martians mate by leaning on females' shoulders? 

I once rang a girl I fancied and told her I was ringing to tell her I had nothing to say. (I was trying to ask her out but got nervous...  )

[tanya]

I was bored a couple of nights ago, so I signed up for OKCupid. I figured, "Hey, dating people I met IRL hasn't worked for me, online dating worked for my one friend, let's test this out." The second I uploaded a picture (one of the professional-type ones I've taken), I had 50,000 people IMing me. 

I'm not a fan of dating sites with IM functionality. I tried OKCupid and the first thing I did was turn off the IM. I think it attracts the crazies. I have a friend who is designing a dating site and trying to add all sorts of mobile based location aware features. He's married and has never really done any online dating. I keep trying to give him constructive feedback but all of his scenarios seem to involve how to make contact with appealing people, not how to fend off creeps.

Sooo, to keep on topic and answer Gauri's intial post, here's my most recent story: Friday I was with friends at a bar listening to a band. It was late and we were considering leaving. I had on really high heels and my feet were aching so I grabbed a bar stool near where my friends were standing. A guy immediately stepped into the gap between us and asked me if I had been to the bar before. Then his next statement was "you look familiar." Okay, I don't fault guys for opening with cliched lines at all. I know how hard it is to approach a stranger and strike up a conversation. I'm not hit on that often so I'm usually game to play along. I asked this guy if he was at the local university because maybe he knew me from there. I knew he didn't but he seemed so shy that really all I wanted to do was make him feel more comfortable. He, however, replied that he had recently moved there and hadn't actually thought he knew me but just wanted to hit on me. Well that sort of response just makes me feel foolish for playing along. So, guys, if you're going to use a cliche to strike up a conversation please try and "sell it." If at some point a guy just says "I'm hitting on you" then the conversation kinda dies right there.

I wish I had a "how we met story" for you, Gauri. Sigh, someday...

[Prem Rogue]

I was bored a couple of nights ago, so I signed up for OKCupid. I figured, "Hey, dating people I met IRL hasn't worked for me, online dating worked for my one friend, let's test this out." The second I uploaded a picture (one of the professional-type ones I've taken), I had 50,000 people IMing me.  

Heh, I'm on that site.  Here's how it works:  girls I'm interested in don't respond to my messages, and every once in a while a girl I have no interested in contacts me.

One girl who sent me a message had details so bad (lots of drugs, alcohol, high school dropout, etc.) that I wondered if it was a joke profile.  Here I was getting no responses from the seemingly cool and intelligent girls, and out of the blue Nightmare Girl contacts ME.  Tell me, folks, do I really put out the "druggies apply here" vibe?  

[Dil Bert]

Tell me, folks, do I really put out the "druggies apply here" vibe?

<-- Just sayin'...

[Darshana]

This doesn't fit in but I feel like telling it anyhow.

I am no longer at an age where groups of men in NY pester me on the street, and haven't been for some time.  That's okay with me.

A couple of years ago, on a summer night,  I was waiting for a light to change at a very busy corner, hundreds of people around -- the corner of St Marks Place and the Bowery, for those who know Manhattan.   I became aware that a not-too-young man nearby was really staring at me, and by looking at him out of the back of my head, I could also tell that he had a pear-shaped body and pants pulled up high, and sort of a childish face with wispy gray hair.

The light changed.  Before I stepped off the curb, I flicked a glance in this fellow's direction,  just to kind of check on where was in relation to me.  He looked right into my eyes and shouted, "You have the most beautiful feet I have ever seen!!!"  

I thanked him, of course, before I hurried across the street - and that's the last pick-up-like story in my life so far.

[Darshana]

PS @ Prem Rogue - if you get sick of dating and want a marriage arranged, you should let us here on Bollywhat do it - the people old enough to be your parents.  I am sure we know you better than they do.

[kragey]

Heh, I'm on that site.  Here's how it works:  girls I'm interested in don't respond to my messages, and every once in a while a girl I have no interested in contacts me.

One girl who sent me a message had details so bad (lots of drugs, alcohol, high school dropout, etc.) that I wondered if it was a joke profile.  Here I was getting no responses from the seemingly cool and intelligent girls, and out of the blue Nightmare Girl contacts ME.  Tell me, folks, do I really put out the "druggies apply here" vibe?  

See, why don't men like YOU crazy stalk me, or really hot women?! Oh, right...I live in east ka bum frick.

[kmemphis]

A classmate of mine had a huge crush on me, but he didn't know my name. (10 people in the class - but it was French, so the teacher never called me Kaitlyn and I wouldn't talk to him unless he did too. The whole class picked on him! But we never put chalk dust on his ROTC uniform.) He would have taken me to prom if I'd wanted, but no, it's not my thing.


HOWEVER. It was a Monday afternoon and there's a sound at the backdoor. What is it? Why, my classmate, who, upon finding the library closed, decided to walk more than a mile to my house! (His parents had dropped me off here after I went to see his play - he was a dead body in Arsenic & Old Lace - trippy thing - 17 year old Tennessee girls trying to do old-lady New York accents!)

The dogs let him walk through the backyard!

It was, er, weird?

Oh, our relationship was hot and heavy. I hugged him.   I hope you can handle such a trollop in your midst.

ETA: My parents got married in '84 at city hall. My dad wore a baby blue polyester leisure suit. (Like Om in OSO!!!) My mom, I assume, had shoulderpads.

[Darshana]

In the movie, you would marry that person, and in real life a person who'll walk a mile to see you doesn't sound bad either.

Even if he dragged you down to his level with hugging.

[kmemphis]

In the movie, you would marry that person, and in real life a person who'll walk a mile to see you doesn't sound bad either.

Even if he dragged you down to his level with hugging.

::whispers:: I initiated the hug. It was awkward.

And he walked over because he had nothing better to do. (He lived in another town and his mom picked him up at the library - usually.)

It was an... interesting relationship.

I went Christmas Caroling with his church group (he's Mormon) and we rode in a RV to members' houses. Afterwards, we walked around the church campus (for lack of a better word) and I asked him questions about his religion. Then the hug.

Oh, the romance of the young people these days!

For Christmas '05, I gave him all my Garfield books and he gave me Homer Simpson slippers.

And he was willing to walk dogs with me. (Though I was stupid and barefoot... what can I say... it was December.)

He liked me more than I liked him. The prom thing? I was miffed because I assumed he'd ask me, told my mom, she told his, and he called me. "If you want to go to the prom, I'll take you." Be still my heart!

Most charming love story ever! I assume we'll meet again in India - he on a Mormon missionary trip, me stalking SRK... we'll bump into each other and it's love at second sight! Cue the violins!

[Darshana]

He liked me more than I liked him. The prom thing? I was miffed because I assumed he'd ask me, told my mom, she told his, and he called me. "If you want to go to the prom, I'll take you." Be still my heart!

Most charming love story ever! I assume we'll meet again in India - he on a Mormon missionary trip, me stalking SRK... we'll bump into each other and it's love at second sight! Cue the violins!

I am alone in my apartment laughing about this!!  If you're not going to write it, can I give it to my screenwriter friend?

[los angeles]

I am supposed to be working very hard (yea right) however there's always time to respond to funny dating stories  

S Hushpuppy and Corbie, those are really interesting tales of how-we-met, thanks for those  

I wish I had a "how we met story" for you, Gauri. Sigh, someday...

I don't have one either Tanya, we'll have them eventually though, and then we'll come back to this thread and post them.

This doesn't fit in but I feel like telling it anyhow.

I am no longer at an age where groups of men in NY pester me on the street, and haven't been for some time.  That's okay with me.

A couple of years ago, on a summer night,  I was waiting for a light to change at a very busy corner, hundreds of people around -- the corner of St Marks Place and the Bowery, for those who know Manhattan.   I became aware that a not-too-young man nearby was really staring at me, and by looking at him out of the back of my head, I could also tell that he had a pear-shaped body and pants pulled up high, and sort of a childish face with wispy gray hair.

The light changed.  Before I stepped off the curb, I flicked a glance in this fellow's direction,  just to kind of check on where was in relation to me.  He looked right into my eyes and shouted, "You have the most beautiful feet I have ever seen!!!"  

I thanked him, of course, before I hurried across the street - and that's the last pick-up-like story in my life so far.

I think it totally fits in the topic, and thanks for sharing it Darshana, it really made me laugh!

Oh, the romance of the young people these days!

For Christmas '05, I gave him all my Garfield books and he gave me Homer Simpson slippers.

Wow how adorable is that KM. That's awesome.

[filmifan]

saw this story this morning and immediately thought of this thread: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32314866/ns/world_news-weird_news/?gt1=43001

never heard of OKCupid, but i know a married couple that met through eHarmony and are eerily well matched.

all of my serious relationships--including my husband--have been with guys i was friends with first, which is not surprising i guess since my social circles have typically been predominately male.

two of my most memorable dates (for all the wrong reasons) had one guy showing up over an hour late, reeking of alcohol. another asked me out to dinner which turned out to be Taco Bell, where he then proceeded to ask his friend working the register to give him a hook up. let's just say that my response in both situations was not pretty.

[kmemphis]

I am alone in my apartment laughing about this!!  If you're not going to write it, can I give it to my screenwriter friend?

As long as I get an invite to the awards.

[navras]

Ah, OkCupid. I've only used it for non-dating purposes (the tests are fun!), and I don't have my picture on it. But apparently my profile is a threesome magnet because I've gotten more than a few threesome invitations from men

I don't have any particularly interesting dating stories. I do know a friend of a friend who apparently met her girlfriend though the "missed connections" section on Craigslist. I'm not sure if my friend is only pulling my leg, though, since I didn't even know people took those craigslist personals seriously.

[Prem Rogue]

<-- Just sayin'...

That's there to attract the Desi druggies 

[sunrise]

two of my most memorable dates (for all the wrong reasons) had one guy showing up over an hour late, reeking of alcohol. another asked me out to dinner which turned out to be Taco Bell, where he then proceeded to ask his friend working the register to give him a hook up. let's just say that my response in both situations was not pretty.

At least it wasn't two hours... and reeking of cigarettes...

And what's a hook up? As in, the romantic hook up kind? But that doesn't make sense in the context, because he was with you! Help!

One of the weirdest picking up I had was when I was FIFTEEN, and I was with my FAMILY and FAMILY FRIENDS at a buffet, and the chef guy behind the buffet counter kept on looking at me. I ignored him, carried on eating, blah blah. And then, at the end, my sister and I were sitting on some sofas while everyone else went off to pay, and another waiter told me that the chef guy had told him to put the guy's (i.e. the chef's) phone number on the sofa next to the ones we were sitting on, and for me to take it... what the heck?! What kind of a guy picks up fifteen year old kids... whilst at WORK?   (Though to be fair to the guy, I did look older in what I was wearing, I guess... ) Needless to say, I ignored the message and went off happily my own way.

I find that more times, people (myself included) tend to get hit on when they're in a relationship, than when they're single (just our luck, eh...)... of course human beings are a lot more compplex than this, but I do wonder if that's because one tends to be more confident and sure of themselves, and more easy-going with members of the opposite sex (because as far as they're concerned, the friendliness is nothing more than for the sake of friendship), than when they're single (and perhaps their confidence and self-esteem is also slightly lower...?), and they know that every single guy/girl they talk to could potentially lead to something more, so perhaps they'd be a little more nervous - and of course, anyone would be more attracted to a confident, easygoing, friendly person than the subdued, shy opposite? Of course, I know people are all so unique and different and there is never one answer, but... just a thought I had.